have you ever loved someone. So god damned unconditionally that even if they have all of the terrible flaws in the world that you only love them all the more. And a part of you will always love them for that, and that kills you.  A love that rots you from the inside out.  Somewhere along the line that love goes bad, and it becomes a mixture of what stupid thing burned the bridge and boiling anger.  Anger that someone could just walk into your life and take a piece of your heart.  Oh but at one time you loved it, it made you feel alive.  At one point that shined so bright you did not realize that they weren't borrowing a piece of you they were taking it for good. And now what you took in return is stuck inside of your chest, and you can never get rid of it.  Something once loved will stay forever, no matter what you to do forget.  We all have these ghosts that love to haunt our dreams. So I hate you, I hate you for what you took and installed in me.  I hate you for leaving and forgetting to say goodbye.  I hate you for forgetting the sound of our voices.  I hate you for disappearing like everything in life.  Destined to go.  Life takes constantly.  And I hate it for that.  A realization that has left me utterly empty. I hate you and I love you and wish you to death.
Yet if you died I would watch my heart crack into pieces again and remember that everybody and everything changes. It all changes, no matter the effort we put in for that to not happen.  I wouldn't show up to the funeral.
Things I loved to play out in my mind, all end in death.  And I fear quite rightfully that will be quite soon.  The whispers of death are so inviting.

She's a kind hearted spirit,
That loves everything at will.
if you want to,
You could break her heart and watch it wilt.

People change and forget to tell each other,
Because misery loves company,
And this bed is made for two.

It's all fading now,
along the heavy footsteps
that now carries all of you.

You've got paper limbs,
And it seems that you're tearing down the sides.
I didn't understand the words we used to say,
But now I do.

Paint me black, for I am no longer golden.
And while you fall asleep,
I'll be swimming through my broken veins,
The poisoned blood inside of me.
Learning to say words like I mean it.

When I don't.