23

You could drown in eyes like those, 
And it seems that I am the one I no longer am.
In a cage in search of a bird,
To teach me how to fly away
From this decrepit place. 

If you are the one who knows best,
Then please inform me on why I am so distressed.
They're playing our song,
And I let you plant gardens of lies in my chest, 
Those flowers are still blooming. 

So stay away from lonely places,
Stay away from me.
For the more you grow up the more time you spend alone. 
And you know me I can't give up,
I'm drowning in the Deja Vu and I've seen these places before
I know the ending 
I do not want to relive this horror.  

Sweetheart, 
What have you done.  
They've come to kill our kind,
We are the last ones.
The rulers of long lost everything.
But a crown, like all.
Has its price. 

And now I am the hero of this story,
I am the only one,
No one shares my enemies 
 I am left alone.

The flowers in my chest have started to rot.
I cling to them for they're all that's left of you that I've got
alas like everything memory fades
The flowers in my chest now but a grave

Stay away from dead places,
Stay away from me.
There are no birds in this cage,
There is no dying race,
The hunt has been called off, for everyone is gone.

The credits have rolled,
The crowds are gone.
My sunshine,
My sunshine,
I have lost you and now you are gone.
When there is nothing left,
Life is a tedious chore.

My sunshine,
My sunshine. 
You are no more.

22

Sometimes I see you smiling
And  I think I understand
Why you threw away,
Everything you had.

21

A plane ticket can help you get away
To leave this hell behind,
But it can't help you escape
From your dreadful mind.

20

I have,
Fallen into the hell that seems to bring,
such magnificent disaster.

19

I think I've shut off from everything.  From friends and family, my own dreams.  Having fun, seems to be something of a distant memory. I go to doctors to make it better. To fix me, the shattered china doll.  Smashed into so many pieces that to assemble my broken head, seems to be an impossible task.  Why bother fixing something when you can get it shiney new.  So it seems that all of the dolls, with broken faces, and cracked limbs drift together. And make do without their appendages, not caring if something else cracks or breaks.  After all, that's the way things have always been.  The glue that holds our put together pieces together frequently get washed away in the ever persistent rain that stays above us, and we are washed back where we started. And when we crumble from  the lack of pieces to hold us up, we are labeled weak, and undesirable.   

How I despise that word, to get out of bed every day is something of repeated torture, when there is no light left in the lives we chose to live. Is strength.   I do not care what becomes of me, the headless china doll with scratches on her chest and arms and long forgotten dreams.  The dish water rag dress and once smooth hair is what the world sees. 

Now there is no time left to feel, and love has been cut out of my chest where the birds used to sing. Isn't it a terrible thing.  How life can crack us down to the lining of our very being.  Left laying in the dumpster out back,  waiting for the day when I can sigh my last breath. I think I'm alive, I haven't checked if my heart's still beating.   And when it comes down to it, nobody wants something broken; so I am  left laying in the gutters, my shattered remains long forgotten pieces of me.  Waiting for someone one day to see me as I used to be. 

18

People need to understand that, it does not matter how shallow the water is, you can still drown.

17

If you love a flower, 
don't pick it up.
Because if you pick it up,
It dies and ceases to be just what you love.
So if you love a flower, let it be.
Love is not about possession,
Love is about appreciation.  

16

Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of an unlived life. You don’t have to live forever, you just have to live.

today
i am done
with breathing

15

I suppose my biggest flaw is that, when I am standing on the bridge straddling the line of life or death.
I am not strong enough to fall either way.

14

I want to cover my body in tattoos, I want to live freely.  A life with no strings attached, nobody to worry.  And  I Wish I could paint you a picture of what I see, because it holds such beauty.  The light falls down so slowly, and the birds are finally singing.  
They won't let you in.  It is something you cannot see.  The glorious worlds trapped inside of me,  Left me consumed with sadness, for it is something that even I can never reach.  The beautiful painting draining just from my reach.  So I'll strive towards it, I'll sail the endless paths across the sea.  Where the waves can sing soft melodies to me.  
The places and faces that left me entirely breathless and empty.  For the horrors of this cracked reality.  
Let me leak into those cracks, let me become that darkness.  Disappearing always seemed so easy.  
For one day I will wake up and this will have all been a dream, and that beauty in my head will be what makes me.  
For now I am trapped here, forgotten in this tight useless skin.  This life isn't a game.  It isn't something to win. And slowly I watch everything fade to black, the final scene.  What happened to the light, and the birds no longer sing.  It seems that I have drifted too deep.  To sink or to swim, or to be swallowed by this sea. 
Because this is me fighting,  I can no longer see my hands.  And the worlds seem to be slowly fading, I wish them to never leave me.  What am I left to but myself when these things are gone.  Please don't leave me alone, please don't let me be.  There is nowhere to go when there is nothing. 
I miss you forgotten faces.
You mean so much to me.  
Please oh please someone wake me up,
From this wretched dream.  

13

Goodbye means going away. And going away means forgetting, yet all we have in life is what we remember. All of those are the things that we carry.   So goodbye you, and goodbye me.  I'll be giving away these memories, and become what I carry. 

                                                     Nothing. 

12

We do not need a proper ending
because that would mean
that this meant something.

11

I'm not going to tell you that I miss you,
I'm not going to make myself look weak,
And I'll hope that you're doing the same,
Maybe that's why you won't speak to me.

10

If your soul leaks out through your body when you yawn 
And every time a camera flashes it takes another piece,  
Well my soul is surely gone.
Eaten up by ever sheet rumpled night
And dressed up picture day
Every half remembered midnight stroll,
Every forced family photo.

Then it seems that I am left to nothing
Just thousand days of yearning for more sleep
Left to grow sickly and pale,
Left with reminders of the soul 
Now lost to the whirl of time. 

9

She used to believe in innocence until she lost it,
left trying to buy some happiness. 

8

I've been erased from the picture.

7

I found comfort in my suffering
The result when everything has turned and left
I created a castle from the pieces that used to be me
Where I search for my forgotten sanity 

6

Sometimes I miss you,
The way someone drowning
Remembers air.

5

I am a tourist
    In my own life
                      
 Simply wondering though
          These faces
    And places
            
    That I seemed to once know.

4

If I  make it, to heaven, I may be as bloody as hell.  Can I still get into heaven even if I kill myself? Or will you depart from me, for I am in the wrong body, It must have been by accident. I have good intentions,  they get lost along the way.
Can I still get out? Or will you turn me down, I have love to give but it gets stuck in the void. And birds, they sing, trapped inside of my head. They swallow handfuls of nights to make shorter days.  The beginning  is the start of the end.
And every single world it echos, echos.  For those birds are long gone.
And now it's all broken, because we walk the wrong way down the long road. But I still remember how you smiled, even if your evil became a profit., and walked away from me.  In love with the idea of love with the idea in love with the vicious cycle of romantic tragedy. For the birds sing no more, they stand in the space between what is reality. And now  It's gotten late and now I want to be alone, for I don't want to know how it ends anymore.

3

I would give anything to be healthy, psychically and mentally.
It tears me apart looking at these kids who constantly bitch about not having enough. Because I want to be just like them.  You have no idea how much I do.  And I have tried so hard, but  I guess that life just isn't fair that way.  All I want is a family that can eat together at night, or have a brother and sister that I don't have the responsibility of raising when mommy and daddy get sick of being parents and decide to hit the boodles hard.  I want to be healthy, I want to be able to dance in the rain without being sick for three months. Or to be able to do things like a normal kid should have. I'm glad that we live in a big old fancy house, and that we look nice to people in the real world. I would trade all of that in a second for a happy healthy life.  I find myself saying less and less, doing less and less. Now only a matter of time before I become nothing. And I guess after awhile of being called something, It's what you become.  

2

I came to the realization that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed. And this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young, and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.

I've come to think about suicide, and how people say that it's the weak way out. How that person shouldn't have been so selfish or given up. I frown upon people who say things like such.We are all soldiers fighting against our own minds, and in the end most of us wind up breaking ourselves. It's a battle where nobody can see, and certainly nobody can see the damage inflicted inside but you.

I have recently gotten a lot of crap from my parents, most of it being along the lines of "Why can't you just be normal." I am sincerely sorry being myself seems to have developed into such a strange thing. I wish i could be normal, but this statement could be flipped "why aren't you normal" well take a step back and look. What affects you most, where are you most vulnerable in your life?

Your childhood.

And unfortunately parents of our generation seemed to have done it very, very wrong. Do they not understand that your children can hear you yelling, they see everything you do. And it affects them greatly. So when they call suicide selfish they need to take a step back and look at the cause of the problem. Every cancer has its starting point. I'll admit that I do feed my own sickness, I do it quite a bit. But do you think someone would ever choose to be this way, it isn't a choice to feel sadness as a default to every day life. No, it starts when you see mommy and daddy screaming when you are little, or when someone slips and accidentally hits someone, or you. And how that starts to affect you at school, acting differently because of the situations in your home, suddenly it's harder to make friends, and a domino affect begins. It doesn't matter how times or people have changed, that little seed is still planted in you. So years later when you have an issue with not being touched, because you're afraid that someone might hurt you. Or that you turn to books because they are easier to talk to, well it all starts at home. And world war three begins, you against yourself. And when no prince charming comes riding up on his horse to save you, that world gets a little darker. And suddenly the constant misery is too much to take. It was selfish of my parents, to take that from me. The chance of a happily ever after, always one more hill away. So when my light is too slight, to hold back all of my dark. Or anyone's for that matter, you need to step back and realize that that dark cloud following people around is pretty hard to miss. These things do not come as a surprise.