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I came to the realization that once people are broken in certain ways, they can’t ever be fixed. And this is something nobody ever tells you when you are young, and it never fails to surprise you as you grow older as you see the people in your life break one by one. You wonder when your turn is going to be, or if it’s already happened.

I've come to think about suicide, and how people say that it's the weak way out. How that person shouldn't have been so selfish or given up. I frown upon people who say things like such.We are all soldiers fighting against our own minds, and in the end most of us wind up breaking ourselves. It's a battle where nobody can see, and certainly nobody can see the damage inflicted inside but you.

I have recently gotten a lot of crap from my parents, most of it being along the lines of "Why can't you just be normal." I am sincerely sorry being myself seems to have developed into such a strange thing. I wish i could be normal, but this statement could be flipped "why aren't you normal" well take a step back and look. What affects you most, where are you most vulnerable in your life?

Your childhood.

And unfortunately parents of our generation seemed to have done it very, very wrong. Do they not understand that your children can hear you yelling, they see everything you do. And it affects them greatly. So when they call suicide selfish they need to take a step back and look at the cause of the problem. Every cancer has its starting point. I'll admit that I do feed my own sickness, I do it quite a bit. But do you think someone would ever choose to be this way, it isn't a choice to feel sadness as a default to every day life. No, it starts when you see mommy and daddy screaming when you are little, or when someone slips and accidentally hits someone, or you. And how that starts to affect you at school, acting differently because of the situations in your home, suddenly it's harder to make friends, and a domino affect begins. It doesn't matter how times or people have changed, that little seed is still planted in you. So years later when you have an issue with not being touched, because you're afraid that someone might hurt you. Or that you turn to books because they are easier to talk to, well it all starts at home. And world war three begins, you against yourself. And when no prince charming comes riding up on his horse to save you, that world gets a little darker. And suddenly the constant misery is too much to take. It was selfish of my parents, to take that from me. The chance of a happily ever after, always one more hill away. So when my light is too slight, to hold back all of my dark. Or anyone's for that matter, you need to step back and realize that that dark cloud following people around is pretty hard to miss. These things do not come as a surprise.